Tuesday, August 1, 2017

7 years in the making...

As I sit here binge watching Netflix, I can barely believe what happened 7 years ago. It feels like a lifetime ago. 

I showed up a domestic violence shelter just before midnight on Friday, July 31, 2010. The twins had just turned 6 months old. I had left their father and moved us 150 miles away. 

2 friends had driven us because my car wouldn't have made it up the I-17 from Phoenix. They left me there and went to a hotel for the night. They came back the next morning to take us to breakfast and to the store for basics.

I did a short intake and then I was given a room. Because I had 2 children, we were given a private room. It was a dorm room of sorts with a shared bathroom in the hall. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that it would be better than what I had left, and better than the options available in Phoenix. 

That first weekend is a blur. A trip to Target that Saturday was crazy because the place was crawling with NAU students and their parents. My friends left that afternoon and we were on our own. One hot mess of a mom and two crying babies on the bottom of an old metal bunk bed.


Fast Forward to today - August 1st, 2017. The twins are now 7.5 years old and I am just a 2 days of being 40.5 years old. We just signed a new lease on our duplex. We have now lived here 5 years.{After being at the shelter for 9 weeks, I was given a spot in a transitional housing program. We lived there for 2 years while I completed the program.}

This is the longest I have ever lived in one home since I have left home at 17. This is longest I have ever been part of a community with friends and coworkers and resources. I love Flagstaff with all its quirks and faults. This is where I began a new life for myself and I now consider it to be my home. {But I will not stop rooting for my Cubbies! Go Cubs Go, Go Cubs Go. Hey Chicago, what do ya say? The Cubs are going to win today!}

Next week the boys start 2nd grade at a great school. That same day I start work using the Elementary EDU Special Education degree I earned 10 years ago. I am buying a new car and building my credit back up. I am decorating my house in my own styles and colors. I am purging closets and finally letting go of boxes of stuff that has followed me for years. 

I feel like a new person. I still fight the blues but they are at that annoying exhaustion stage instead of being a full depressive episode. I can handle this! I got this! My life is what I make it! Many people have said I am not worthy, not good enough, not smart enough, not normal enough, not consistent enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough, JUST NOT ENOUGH. 

Well, guess what?


I have so much self-worth! It is hard to see it some days - but it is there!