Saturday, July 23, 2016

Birthday after Suicide

Sensitive Topic: post deals with death by suicide.

Today Ken would have turned 38. The boys wanted to eat pumpkin pie covered with whipped cream because it was their Daddy's favorite. They also wanted me to put the whip cream right in their mouths like Daddy did. We thought about singing very loudly so we could be heard in Heaven. Instead they decided to sing to their Daddy Bears.

(Remind me to add a picture next week.)

The entire thing is even harder for me because I left him 6 years ago this week. We had a 2nd huge fight on his birthday in 2010. Two days later I went to a friends house. By the end of the month the boys and I were in Flagstaff.

Instagram Video

Later this week also marks 6 months since he committed suicide. Weeks, even a month or more will go by, and I feel nothing. Then one day I am overcome with anger, frustration, grief and sadness.

This tattoo keeps getting additions. The kite tied down by an anchor represents my bipolar 2 diagnosis. The extreme highs and lows are managed with my faith and with my twin boys. I have a feeling that this tattoo will never be done. This entire arm will tell my story. 

You can read other posts that deal with our reactions, feelings, and how we took care of ourselves.

Saying Goodbye

THE END #semicolonproject

Angry Survivors after Death