Sunday, April 12, 2015

Shhhh! Sunday - Anxiety

This past week after Easter has been overwhelming for me. I had been doing so well for so long that it not only caught me unprepared, it knocked me on my butt. 

On Easter Sunday, I was singing out praises. I was smiling as I sat in the front row listening to the pastor speak. I was confident, I was proud, I was happy. I had on a like new dress from the thrift store. It only cost me $6. The boys had on new shirts and clip on ties. I even wore my little mini hat.

After church was over, I decided we would cook Easter dinner at home. We stopped at the grocery store and went home for a nap. I felt like I couldn't handle the rest of the day without that nap. Then the nap lasted a little too long. The boys were up before me and eating chocolate from the easter eggs. I made our ham dinner and they didn't want it. I went to bed early but it took hours to fall asleep.

Monday wasn't much better. We didn't have school so that meant we stayed home. I was a mess. Everything annoyed and aggravated me. I bagged up trash in the boys room. I was not a nice person. I barely slept that night either.Tuesday included a lot of tears and a long nap.

I had to take 2 days off of work this past week. I made it through Tuesday somehow but I knew Wednesday wasn't going to happen. Barely made it through Thursday. I tried on Friday but I only made it 30 minutes before I had to leave. Plus I will not be going in tomorrow, Monday. I love my job and it feels like it was a God thing but it is causing me a lot of anxiety and stress.

I decided long ago to not be ashamed of who I am or what I deal with on a daily basis. All those little things make me, ME. In fact, it is because of those things that I am even more special. Look at what I have accomplished over the last 5 years. Look at the last 6 months! To really know me and see those accomplishments - well - it is amazing. I haven't been able to be as open about all that I deal with, at first I did it because it was necessary; but it has been very hard for me. I don't like to keep it quiet because it makes me feel like it NEEDS to be hidden. That I SHOULD be ASHAMED.

For me it is always hard to pinpoint the exact reason for the anxiety or depression. There are always a lot of little things that pile together to weigh me down. I know that keeping a secret is part of it. It is also the added stress I give myself to be perfect and do it all! I take on way too many tasks and then scramble to keep up. Did you know I have 2 small business plus I run my blog? That is in addition to working at the school each week. I was supposed to start an online class later this month too. HA HA HA HA.

Well, thanks for reading. I originally started my blog as a way to vent and share my feelings. It has been nice to get back to that. It is a big help to me and my messy brain and heart. 

How do you vent your feelings? Comment, Share, #ShhhSunday