Saturday, December 29, 2012

Angry, Update

Wow, it has been 3 months since I sat down to write. Obviously a lot has been going on to keep me busy but it is more than the moving, vacation, holiday stuff. I have been 

It is not a welcome feeling. I can't even pinpoint what I am so mad about. I have slowly come to realize that after years and years of depression, that it is evolving. I am no longer the weepy, pathetic depressive. I am an angry, frustrated, depressive that still wants to sleep. It is a lot to handle. The littlest thing can make me so mad that I want to scream. I can be having a good time and BAM! This is not something you want to have to deal with ever, especially with toddlers in the house. Don't worry, I have had it under control for the most part. I just have less patience than normal which equals a little more yelling.

Let's backtrack...

I got the keys to our new place and moved over most of the furniture on September 24th. It took over a week to get the old place completely emptied and I wouldn't have been able to get it done without some great friends. 

As October started, I was busy trying to set up the new place and finish Halloween costumes. We went on a Disneyland vacation with my ex-husband/twins' dad the week of October 22nd. We had a great time, and the boys loved it. As always the cast members at Disneyland made our time magical and we only had a few problems with Sam's sensory issues.

November seemed to be full of appointments with the Dr, OT, PT and Speech. I am thankful for Sam's care though so I can't complain. I helped plan and execute our second Mom2Mom sale and took notes on what to change for the Spring sale. I was horribly sick for Thanksgiving so it was a blessing when my friend drove the Twins down to PHX so they could spend the weekend with their grandparents. I wasn't alone for the holidays though because my oldest son, his girlfriend and their dog made my house a pit stop for 2 weeks.

December has been chaotic ! My regular babysitter has been MIA since her mom had a stroke. She has been stretched so thin with 2 jobs, sick family members, holidays, and finances. I have tried to be understanding, but I don't think I handled it very gracefully. I guess it shows how much I rely on her help which is a compliment to her and a warning to me. I need to make some changes (which I will get to in a new post). Christmas prep started with a BANG ! and the house was transformed. The Twins really seemed to get it this year. They talked about Santa, presents and the Baby Jesus. They loved their new toys, especially their Leap Frog Leap Pad (2)s. I am so glad I put those on layaway.

(Clicking this link will generate revenue in my account. Just making sure I am being honest. I would have blogged about these toys anyway. They keep the boys happy.)

It is now the last few days of the year. I need to remove the Christmas decor and put my house together. Instead I sit around using my new Kindle Fire and wondering when the Twins will learn to do laundry. Instead of reflecting on the past year or making a bunch of resolutions, I am planning. I am pretty good at it, ask anyone. I love having stuff scheduled and I have my google calendar synced to my smartphone and my tablet. I am planning parties, MNOs and birthday celebrations. I am making changes in diet and exercise and setting up accountability partners. I am planning a good start to 2013 one day at a time. 

On a side note, I apologize if I have been rough around the edges. If it has been uncomfortable for you, can you even imagine how it feels for me ? I don't like the crazy cycle of emotions in my head or the running thoughts but I am doing my best. 

Happy New Year, love Court

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