I made a comment on my facebook about friendship last night before bed. When I got online I had a comment that I wanted to reply to. That reply turned into paragraphs and became a blog post.
I know I haven't been a good friend over the years to certain people. I also now know why that was and I am trying to change it. I know that I can be a bitch at times, sometimes intentionally. I also feel that a true friend will not just take but give/do. No matter how you act/feel or what you say - they are still there for you. So this week, I tried to push somebody away - because that is what I do best - and this person stood firm. Sometimes in life, you do need people that will do things for you, because you can't handle life alone. Some people need this more/longer than others. It isn't always and automatically a co-dependent relationship. I have christian friends from church that feel they are serving God by serving me. (I know there are people that don't share my views on God, and that is fine. I may share what I believe, but I will never push those views on anyone.)
In the last year, I have met many new people that I considered friends. I also have met people that I would have liked to be friends with, but I feel that they only wanted a "thing" from me - not the friendship I was willing to share. I don't think I would have minded giving/doing for these people if I had known in advance of their intentions.
In the last year, I have also lost people that I thought were my friends. They didn't die, I either choose to walk away or they left the friendship. It was hard to know that I poured my full being into friendship for this person and they casually tossed it aside. In the cases where I walked away, it was because cutting ties was what was best for me and my children. Some ties should have been cut sooner, and because they weren't - I am still paying that price.
The last week and a half have been very hard for me. I needed friends. I had two very sick children. I had a court appearance looming in front of me. It was the end of the month and I was out of money. The snow on the ground made it impossible for me to get out of the house and accomplish anything. It has just really made me think...