Monday, March 28, 2011

It never ends...

So I haven't written in a while because every time I sat down to start, I realized my emotions were too raw. It has been a stressful couple of weeks but we have gotten through it. Here is a condensed version of what has been happening...

About a week into March I found out about an emergency hearing that had been scheduled regarding custody of the twins. I had not been notified by my ex or by the court. I found out on my own. It turned out that my ex had made (false) claims against me to try and win custody. After I calmed down, I called the courts. I got permission to call in (instead of having to appear in person 150 miles away from home) and defend myself. The hearing was set for March 14 and I called in as it was starting. I was so nervous, but I stayed calm for the entire hearing. I won't get into specifics - but the claims against me could not be proved. I had proof of why I had left town; where I stayed when I moved; what/how I was currently doing; and how the boys were seen on a weekly basis by multiple agencies in town. The judge awarded me sole physical custody of the twins. Their father was given supervised visitation every other weekend. He is allowed to come up to where we live and see them for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. No overnights yet because of their age. The visits are supervised my by his parents, the twins' grandparents.

The first visitation was the weekend of March 19th and 20th. It started off a little rocky and I was on the receiving end of some harsh words. Those four hours dragged by and I didn't know what to do with myself without two toddlers to hold or chase after. The boys were brought back on time and seemed fine. Sunday morning's exchange was a little better and I received an apology. The boys seemed to be in a good mood when they returned four hours later. (I had gone to church and helped out a little and it was a little easier to deal with.) The grandparents even had some clothes that they gave me for the twins. I never saw my soon to be ex-husband.

I hope that the few wrinkles will be ironed out in time for the next visit; however, I am sure there will be new wrinkles to deal with. After four visits, the times will extend to eight hours. That will be a long day for everyone involved. Hopefully by then I will be more comfortable with having two free arms and I will accomplish something while out on my own.

St. Patrick's Day 2011

I just love the look he is giving his brother.

Sammy climbed in to his chair all by himself...

He loves that pillow and sleeps under it every night.

So sweet... but a minute later they were fighting !

At the DR today, keep reading for an update...

The boys still have been having problems since they were sick last month. They seem to have kicked the respiratory issues but they were still having issues with their ears. Today we went and saw our ENT. This is one of the best doctors I have taken the twins to since they were born. Our appointments were set for 2:30 and 2:45 this afternoon. He finished up with the previous patient and brought us back early. He checked out the ears, listened to the lungs/heart and made his decision all before 2:40. We got a prescription and were done by 2:45 ! You might think that was too fast... but he is just that good.

The boys had tubes put in their ears back in November. They had multiple ear infections after we moved up here. Once the tubes were in we had ZERO problems for four months (Nov, Dec, Jan and Feb). At the end of February, they both ended up with secondary ear infections because of the RSV and pneumonia. They had so much gunk (big medical term) that the tubes failed. Sam lost one of his tubes and the other is completely clogged. Jason has one tube that is still working and the second one is clogged. They will both be going in to have their tubes re-done. The surgery is quick, about 5 to 10 minutes. They were a million times better later that afternoon. I am still nervous since they will be put under general anesthesia, but I am glad to know it is an easy fix to a month of problems. They could be going in for surgery as early as this Friday. I should get a call from the surgery center tomorrow.

Well, they have been asleep for a couple hours now... which means I should be in bed too. If you are still reading, you deserve a cookie !

~ Courtney

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Musings/Thoughts on Friendship

I made a comment on my facebook about friendship last night before bed. When I got online I had a comment that I wanted to reply to. That reply turned into paragraphs and became a blog post.

Facebook Status: 
had some interesting thoughts about friendship today: 
What a friend is... Who your friends are... What a friend will do for you...

I know I haven't been a good friend over the years to certain people. I also now know why that was and I am trying to change it. I know that I can be a bitch at times, sometimes intentionally. I also feel that a true friend will not just take but give/do. No matter how you act/feel or what you say - they are still there for you. So this week, I tried to push somebody away - because that is what I do best - and this person stood firm. Sometimes in life, you do need people that will do things for you, because you can't handle life alone. Some people need this more/longer than others. It isn't always and automatically a co-dependent relationship. I have christian friends from church that feel they are serving God by serving me. (I know there are people that don't share my views on God, and that is fine. I may share what I believe, but I will never push those views on anyone.)

In the last year, I have met many new people that I considered friends. I also have met people that I would have liked to be friends with, but I feel that they only wanted a "thing" from me - not the friendship I was willing to share. I don't think I would have minded giving/doing for these people if I had known in advance of their intentions.

In the last year, I have also lost people that I thought were my friends. They didn't die, I either choose to walk away or they left the friendship. It was hard to know that I poured my full being into friendship for this person and they casually tossed it aside. In the cases where I walked away, it was because cutting ties was what was best for me and my children. Some ties should have been cut sooner, and because they weren't - I am still paying that price.

The last week and a half have been very hard for me. I needed friends. I had two very sick children. I had a court appearance looming in front of me. It was the end of the month and I was out of money. The snow on the ground made it impossible for me to get out of the house and accomplish anything. It has just really made me think...