Wednesday, March 8, 2017

How To Help My #CRAZY {Mental Health, Suicide, Medications, OH MY!}

Be advised. 

Pouting and Whining is about commence. 

It has taken my doctor's office 5 days to get RX refills sent to the pharmacy. {These are the same 4 medications I have taken for the last couple years.}

That is 5 days without a sleeping pill, antidepressants, or a high blood pressure med. {I had some of the 4th med still left.}

As you can imagine, this brings my #crazy to its full 100%. 

Tonight at 8pm I pick up my medications. Two of the meds were not sent over as refills at all. They find a way to fill the one medication but the remaining med is missing.

So I now have 3 of the 4 I requested. Nothing I can do tonight, so I go home. I finish eating my dinner, and grab the meds to take tonight's doses. 

The antidepressant is now only half the doses it should be. I am not sure why someone cut my dose in half without discussing it with me. It seems like they don't want me getting back to #stable. They obviously don't care what I think.

So after days of waiting, hours of phone calls, multiple sleepless nights - my Dr's office still managed to fuck it up!

While it might not seem like it right now, I am at a functioning level of #crazy 90% of the year. OK, maybe 80% is a more accurate number. However, more often than not, I can handle a missed pill, a bad day, a bad week; and roll with the punches. 

What about those that aren't doing so well?

Sadly, my community has had 4 suicides in the last couple weeks. {One was a friend.} Plus there was a shooting incident on Friday that left 1 dead, and 1 injured. A suspect was arrested today. This happened at a rec center that is TWO blocks from our house. Yesterday I found out that a woman I work with died when her chemo didn't work and the cancer spread quickly. I can't take much more.

All of this is bringing up a lot of hurt emotions from a year ago.


People need to understand that without my medications, I would be one of those 4 suicides. The reason I don't look #CRAZY is because I take these medicines every day. If I can't sleep, it sets me up for failure tomorrow. If I get too low, everything seems hopeless. 

Then when something truly bad happens, like the death of a friend, or a trauma near your home; life falls apart. Subtract 5 days of medications... I am damn lucky that I only had a mini meltdown today. 

I am blessed to know what my triggers are, how to avoid them, tips and tricks for mood swings, and some really great ideas for self-care. I am also glad that I can step out of my own mental health issues and see how to help myself. It has taken me years to learn how my head and my heart work together to keep me stable. 

There are so many people that have no idea what kind of help they need, how to ask for help, or where to even start. Mental Health Issues need to be important to everyone. Plus everyone needs to understand that one person's #crazy is not the same as the next person. If you have a friend hurting, you need to be able to help them. If they need more than what you have in a First Aid kit, you need to know where to get them help.


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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 
Call 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
Available 24 hours everyday
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Crisis Text Line
Twitter: @CrisisTextLine 
Free support by text, 24/7. Text TWT to 741741
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Veterans Crisis Line 
(800) 273-8255, Press 1 

Central Arizona Crisis Line 
(800) 631-1314 
(602) 222-9444 
TTY (800) 327-9254

Northern Arizona 
(877) 756-4090
(Apache, Coconino, Gila, Mohave, Navajo and Yavapai Counties) 

Southern Arizona 
(866) 495-6735
(Cochise, Graham, Greenlee, La Paz, Pima, Pinal, Santa Cruz and Yuma Counties)


Gila River and Ak-Chin Indian Communities 
(800) 259-3449
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Saturday, February 25, 2017

School Success

This post has been sponsored byTestingMom.com
The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own.
#TMInfluencer #Ad

The boys are excelling in school. Jayson has taken off in his reading and is starting simple chapter books on his own. Sam’s math skills are off the charts. They are able to help each other with their different skills. It makes me proud to see them enjoy learning at school. Their school is a magnet school, with a focus on STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) and performing arts.  The boys started learning how to play the violin with the Suzuki method in kindergarten. As they get a little older there are other programs in STEM that will be available. Since they are only in first grade, I can easily help with homework that is sent home each week. They are in separate classes which means two different sets of homework each week, but the same reading lesson and spelling words. They are learning using the Common Core standards for Arizona.
Occasionally there is a method or step that I am not familiar with and I have to look it up online. It is usually easy to find on the common core website; however, it would be nice to have some additional exercises so I can fully understand the concepts. That is where TestingMom is a big help for myself and the boys.



They have sample questions and lessons for all the state standards, for Pre-K to 8th grade. The site allows you to grow your child’s love of learning while having them play fun skill-building exercises.  You don’t have to take my word for it, here are some reviews and testimonials from other parents that have used TestingMom.  To receive 100 FREE questions, click on the image below.





Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Leave Me Alone, But Don't Leave

My head and my heart are constantly at war. My heart needs to love and be loved, but my head tells me that no one wants to share my life. Friends come and go; tired of trying to understand. Relationships fail by my hand or my actions. I don't blame anyone but myself. Some days I can't love myself so I don't expect much from anyone else. Some days I feel like everyone is missing out because I could be the best thing that ever walked into their life.



Have you ever wanted to be left alone, but still have someone near you?

Do you not want to be touched, but really need a hug?

The conflicting emotions and feelings drain all of my energy. It makes it so hard to even handle the basics of each day. Getting a shower and driving the boys to school can be enough that I need a nap. Yesterday I didn't want to go home because I knew I would crawl into my bed and sleep. I actually sat at my boys' school and did nothing so I wouldn't be alone. That was the extent of my day though, because I ended up going to bed early. Today I couldn't even be bothered to get a shower. I volunteered at the school for about 45 minutes after drop off, then I went home and took a nap.

I wouldn't say I am depressed, but that probably isn't how others see it. I will blame some of it on anxiety though, my need to make things seem good is exhausting. I load my To Do List so I can keep busy and force myself out of the house, but then I don't want to do anything at all.


Balancing everything is getting to be too much.







Some links that were in my email this week:

https://themighty.com/2017/02/losing-friends-mental-illness/
https://themighty.com/2017/01/how-people-with-anxiety-love/
https://themighty.com/2017/02/loving-someone-with-mental-illness/
https://themighty.com/2016/05/husband-writes-letter-to-wife-with-depression-and-anxiety/
https://themighty.com/2017/02/how-to-help-mental-illness-depression-anxiety/

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Better - 2017 - Better

Last year I was convinced that 2016 was going to be a great year. I had such grand plans for everything I would accomplish. I had just started classes at the local community college. We had two back to back birthday parties to celebrate the boys 6th birthday. I was looking forward to a weekend off. However, before January was even over, everything had changed. The next week we were planning a funeral. My 39th birthday was in the middle of a tear filled week. We tried to get back to a normal schedule, but it was hard. I felt like I was always trying to play catch up. Next thing I knew it was Spring Break. The weeks started to roll one after the other and I was disconnected.

I was using my full effort to keep from slipping into a deep depression so I didn't notice as it slowly set in. It was more of an agitated state at first. I was just unhappy and aggravated with everything. This went on for a couple months. Right now as I look back I can't remember many specifics over the summer months. I threw myself in my Chicago trip and it kept me focused and distracted. August came and the boys started first grade. I wasn't interested in helping at their school. My own classes were more of a job than anything fun. Once October hit, I was done. I had no energy left. I skipped classes and slept. I didn't clean the house, I didn't accomplish much besides getting the boys to school. I planned a Halloween party and then I canceled at the last minute. I felt like a failure.


My anxiety was running on high as we neared elections. My candidate was not named as the President-elect and I felt cheated. Thanksgiving came and went. A bright spot was having the money to take advantage of some great Black Friday sales. I was also lucky that my Amazon affiliate links helped me earn more money over 5 days than I had in months. Thankfully my depression didn't give me as much trouble as I feared for Christmas. It ended up being a pretty nice winter break.


Then it hit. I didn't want to leave my room. I didn't want to even get out of bed. Showering felt like too much effort. I felt defeated. There were moments where I thought I could pull myself out of it, but I would sink back down. Again, I had big plans for the year. I filled out my planner. I scribbled ideas for the blog, for our house, for school. I had multiple blog posts I was writing but none of them felt worthy of hitting the PUBLISH button. The elementary school started back on the 3rd. We were late multiple times. Once (or twice) we didn't even go to school. I was having a hard time getting started. Every small thing felt like a giant failure.


Things were supposed to be BETTER. 2017 was going to be a better year. Tomorrow would be a better day. Better, better, better. I picked that as my word for the year. It isn't some amazing insight or goal - but to me it was something I could do. It was flexible. I just wanted something to be BETTER each and every day. I am striving for it. My first post of 2017 was supposed to be a plan for my year. It was supposed to set the tone. I never did post. My first post was NOT supposed to be a sponsored post. However, I finally decided that being paid for a promotional post wasn't a bad start. It proved that things could be better. I was getting paid to be online. I was getting paid to rep a brand that I love.


So next week, I will again strive for better.