Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Unbelievable Peanut Butter Bonding

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #ShareYourMiracles #CollectiveBias


The boys rarely get any one-on-one time with me. If we do, it is usually short and rushed. I am hoping to find space in our schedule for mom-kid time. Between school, soccer, college, blogging, tutus and our busy life; bonding isn't usually high on the list. I have realized that it needs to be pushed up and prioritized. 




If you have followed this blog at all, you know that the boys' dad died in January 2016. It hasn't been an easy year for us. The summer has been hectic and although we were constantly together, there wasn't enough quality time. Even worse, I never get quality bonding time with just one of the boys. 

So, when Jayson asked me to make cookies (for the 237th time in a week,) I said YES! It was way too close to bedtime. I was tired. I had work to do online. I wanted to watch a movie without interruptions. However, I decided it was important to do this for Jayson. 

Look at that goofy smile! Kinda hard to not give in.

He bought a Cookie Stamp from a vendor booth a couple weeks ago at a fair. I don't think he even knew what it really was when he saw it. He wanted it because it pictured a kitten wearing a bow playing with a ball of yarn. He absolutely loves cats but I am allergic so we can't have one. This is a poor substitute for a pet, but he was so happy to bake.



 The seller gave him a small recipe info book and he kept reading it. He told me we needed to start with the recipe for Unbelievable Peanut Butter Cookies. I admit that as a blogger I saw this as an opportunity. I made him do a video and pose for pictures. He even had to write a guest paragraph:
the cookies are good! You make thes cookies with peanut butter and shugr. I like the stamp bcuz it has a cat. i love cats! -Jayson Ludwig

I couldn't find the same stamp online but I did find a few offered. Click on the affiliate link to purchase. Rycraft Heirloom Cookie Stamp - Celtic Cross

The best part of the whole night was how Jayson was proud of himself. He read the recipe, he followed the directions, and he baked his own cookies. 



I didn't want to let more than a few days go by without some quality time. I bought a new DVD from Walmart based on a friend's suggestion. The boys usually love to sit and cuddle. Not this time. They wanted to play video games and use their tablets. I told them (not nicely enough) that we were going to sit down together. To watch this movie. As a family. and ENJOY IT! 

I know, not very nice. We are a work in progress.




The Beam family shares their true story in Miracles From HeavenI was moved to tears. At one point, Jay told me not to start crying. Sam quickly told him I couldn't listen because I already had tears. (Sam had tears too but only because I had taken the tablet out of his hands.) We weren't that far into the movie before their eyes were glued to the screen. It really made them think.

I will share my thoughts, opinions, and reviews in a different post. No chance for possible spoilers. 

We need a lot of practice, but I know that we will get there in time. For now, I am happy to share some one on one time with my boys. 


I might have a little blogger following me.

#ShareYourMiracles with me in the comments. 
Have you seen #MiraclesFromHeaven on DVD, BluRay or Digital? 
Did the movie make you think?

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Birthday after Suicide

Sensitive Topic: post deals with death by suicide.

Today Ken would have turned 38. The boys wanted to eat pumpkin pie covered with whipped cream because it was their Daddy's favorite. They also wanted me to put the whip cream right in their mouths like Daddy did. We thought about singing very loudly so we could be heard in Heaven. Instead they decided to sing to their Daddy Bears.

(Remind me to add a picture next week.)

The entire thing is even harder for me because I left him 6 years ago this week. We had a 2nd huge fight on his birthday in 2010. Two days later I went to a friends house. By the end of the month the boys and I were in Flagstaff.

Instagram Flipagram.com Video

Later this week also marks 6 months since he committed suicide. Weeks, even a month or more will go by, and I feel nothing. Then one day I am overcome with anger, frustration, grief and sadness.

This tattoo keeps getting additions. The kite tied down by an anchor represents my bipolar 2 diagnosis. The extreme highs and lows are managed with my faith and with my twin boys. I have a feeling that this tattoo will never be done. This entire arm will tell my story. 


You can read other posts that deal with our reactions, feelings, and how we took care of ourselves.

Saying Goodbye

THE END #semicolonproject

Angry Survivors after Death